I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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