Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
