so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
