Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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