this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
