I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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