I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
