God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
