I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
