Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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