Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Boobs are out for the taking
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
