Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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