Is it because I queefed?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
