I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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