I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
