Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
