after a month anything with tits is on the radar
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
