Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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