Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
