Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
