Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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