Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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