normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
