do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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