Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
now i know why i became what i already was.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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