did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
