just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
