absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
