so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
