y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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