my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
