She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
