Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
