That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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