Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
