Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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