Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What a dumb baby whore.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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