I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
