I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
