Will you blow on my dice?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I didn't notice because vodka
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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