my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize