Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
