just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
