She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
