I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
