Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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