omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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