So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
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I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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