I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
