We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
