maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
