At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
