I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
