I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
they're like a gay fantastic four
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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