It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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