Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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