4 words: hood of his car
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
