jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
