I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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