im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
