I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the condom got lost in my hair
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
