good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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