so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize