I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
