I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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