Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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