i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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