I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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