Pants 0. Shit 1.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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