Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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