Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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