You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
