We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Someone signed my nipple.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
