This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Congratulations! We have a period
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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