I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
