So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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