I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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