It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
