my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
