we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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